Meant to Be
by Kay C. M
Summary: Catherine merely survives after Sara leaves. It is a story of two lovers who are meant to be together.


Meant to Be 

Kay C. M.

**Summary: **Catherine merely survives after Sara leaves. It is a story of two lovers who are meant to be together.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own CSI, its characters or any of its affiliates. Copyright is not intended.

**Rating:** M.

**Note: **This story is set on the premise that Sara and Catherine are already established lovers. This contains some minor spoilers. The letter originally given to Grissom in the episode _Goodbye and Good Luck_ is presented to Catherine in this story instead, only with some small changes. Constructive criticism and comments are greatly appreciated!

From the moment Catherine rested her eyes on the single white envelope that laid solemnly upon her desk, she knew something wasn't right. The feeling of dread that rose in the pit of her stomach sickened her and in that moment she knew that she had lost something. Some hidden sense, some inner voice told her… she had lost Sara. Ignoring the tears that fell from her wide, fearful eyes, Catherine willed her heavy limbs to move. With a trembling hand she grasped the envelope and a few moments later her blurred eyes were hesitantly scanning the small handwriting that was unmistakably Sara's.

_Catherine,_

_You know I love you. I feel I've loved you forever. Lately I haven't been feeling well. Truth be told, I'm tired. Out in the desert, under that car that night, I realized something and I haven't been able to shake it. Since my father died, I've spent almost my entire life with ghosts. We'd been like close friends and out there in the desert, it occurred to me that it was time for me to bury them. I can't do that here. I'm so sorry. No matter how hard I try to fight it off, I'm left with the feeling that… I have to go. I have no idea where I'm going, but I know I have to do this. If I don't, I'm afraid I'll self destruct, and worse, you'll be there to see it happen. Be safe. Know that I tried very hard to stay. Know that you are my one and only. I will miss you with every beat of my heart. My life with you and Lindsey was the only home I've ever really had. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love you. I always will. Goodbye._

_Sara_

Through the still air like a feather, the letter fell and drifted silently to rest upon the floor. The sobs that shook Catherine's slumped figure knocked her to her knees and selfishly stole the breath that she battled to retain. Her heart shattered beneath her strained breaths and there was no way she could pick those pieces back up. They were irreplaceable. Love and happiness slipped through her fingers like the grains of sand that accompanied Sara in that desert, and was replaced with the feeling of helplessness and loss. Sara was gone…

Days went by and Catherine managed to keep her composure long enough to do her job. On the outside she looked healthier than ever, but like an unseen disease, her insides were deteriorating. She kept busy by drowning herself within her cases. Her furious determination granted her solitude from her haunting thoughts, but it was when she was alone at home, in the isolation of her bedroom when all of her feelings and thoughts would collide into her consciousness once again. She would become a small, broken, and vulnerable woman. Wiping away her tears, she would dial the memorized number on her cell phone and listen anxiously as it rung rhythmically within her ears. The ringing of her phone was the only hope Catherine felt because it meant that somewhere, Sara was hearing that same ring. Somewhere, Sara knew that she was thinking about her.

Lindsey had been devastated as well by Sara's departure, but revealed that she had sensed the distance between them after the attack. She noticed that it was as if a piece of Sara had been abandoned in that desert. That information only stomped upon the shattered pieces of Catherine's heart. To know that her daughter was being forced to live though another loss… But Lindsey understood Sara's actions despite the pain she felt. No matter where Sara went, her love for them would never diminish, never falter. Lindsey knew in her heart that she would see Sara again. One day…

But unlike her daughter, Catherine's intense feelings could not be quenched. In the silent moments before she would fall asleep, she would cry into her pillow. She longed desperately to cuddle up to the pillow that was once used by Sara, to smell her scent. To act like she was still there. But she refused to lose the faint, unique fragrance that still lightly radiated from the bare sheets. She refused to lose that last, microscopic connection between them. Weeks went by, then months, and still Catherine would attempt to call her, desperately hoping that maybe Sara would actually answer. But one day Sara's number just... stopped existing. It disappeared along with the last strands of Catherine's hope.

Not long after that, Sara's scent disappeared as well. It was almost as if she had never existed and for a moment Catherine actually wondered if everything had just been a fantasy or some cruel illusion. But her memories, her feelings were too intense and vivid to be simply imagined. She had known Sara. She loved and had been loved by Sara… nothing could take those memories away. The misery of Sara's absence weighed too heavily upon Catherine's soul to be a simple illusion.

Life continued, much to Catherine's despair, and after a while she simply gave up with her attempts to locate her lost love. It was obvious that Sara didn't want to be found. Despite the loneliness she felt at the lab, Catherine continued to work for justice. Everywhere she went, though, she could see Sara. She could see Sara working diligently in the lab, in the interrogation room, and out on the field. The haunting vision of her never dissipated. Even with that pain, though, Catherine worked to extinguish the distance she had built between her friends and co-workers, and with their help, she began to live once again. Although nothing could defeat the emptiness Sara's departure had created, Catherine found a balance.

That was until Warrick was murdered, and after that Catherine just simply couldn't find herself anymore. How could things have fallen apart so much? For years the lab, her friends and co-workers, and her cases had been her life and now she was simply watching everything she loved the most crumble around her. And there was nothing she could do about it. She had lost all of her strength, and frankly if it weren't for the constant presence of Lindsey, Catherine would wither away. It was a fact that she just couldn't deny.

After Warrick's death, Catherine found herself thinking about Sara even more. But before, when all thoughts of her lover hurt, now they healed. Every chance they got, her and Lindsey would simply remember Sara. She would remember, and she would try to heal. She couldn't dwell on the loss and the pain anymore. She knew that if she did, it would kill her. But then Gil left and once again Catherine felt the agony of loss. Gil Grissom had been the only person to understand the pain she felt from Sara's absence for he loved her as well. She couldn't help but wonder what he would do. Gil was a smart man, he could do whatever he wanted. But what? Catherine couldn't imagine him doing anything else.

Time passed, and things changed, but it seemed as if Catherine was frozen. It was as if she were merely watching everything and everyone change around her, but yet she remained the same. A part of her wished that she could move on and start living again, but she couldn't ignore the other part of her that wished that time would just reverse itself. But finally, from one simple phone call, Catherine Willow's life finally changed.

"Willows," she answered, her voice tense with exhaustion. She winced from the tone of her heavy voice and listened for an answer. The silence from the other end only irritated her and with a sigh she moved to hang up… but something stopped her. Perhaps it was that same hidden sense, that same inner voice that halted her movement, but she continued to listen. Only the sound of uneven breathing met her ears, but she knew that breathing. Realization brightened her eyes with tears and with a small, hopeful gasp, she whispered, "Sara?"

"Catherine." The quiet, raspy voice that answered her tore her breath away and Catherine couldn't contain the small sob that rose in her throat. In a matter of seconds all of her worry and anguish… all of her sadness vanished. It left her lightheaded with shock and relief. She couldn't force herself to speak, and for what seemed like a lifetime, both women simply took comfort from the sound of each other's breathing.

"How are you?" Catherine finally asked. In her mind it seemed like a silly question, but at that moment it was all she could manage. She struggled to pull in enough air and for a moment she wondered if she would suffocate. She was so overwhelmed with happiness and wonder, and so many questions bombarded her mind. She wasn't about to overwhelm Sara now. This moment seemed so priceless and so fragile that Catherine feared that speaking any wrong words now would sever it. She wasn't about to lose Sara again. She was so consumed by her thoughts that she almost missed Sara's reply.

"I'm better now. Somewhat. How are you?" Sara's voice, a sound that Catherine had believed to be long lost, echoed magically throughout her ears. She selfishly soaked up the sound, wishing suddenly that she had more than just Sara's beautiful voice. She cleared her throat nervously. Should she lie, tell Sara that her absence didn't affect her as much as it really did? Or should she take the chance and reveal the torment she had been living in for the past months? She struggled with an answer, but fortunately Sara noticed her nervousness and continued, "How's work?"

It seemed like a safe question, but even it carried such heavy baggage, and both women realized that nothing they said could avoid the emotion they were both too frightened to reveal. Instead of answering, Catherine sniffed and while wiping away the tears that stained her face, she voiced the question that had consistently fallen from her lips numerous times before. "Where have you been?" Involuntarily, she held her breath. For a moment she thought that Sara wasn't going to answer, give her the power to actually locate her unknown location. But when she did, it left Catherine stunned. "I've been in Costa Rica."

Costa Rica… Catherine never suspected that Sara would go so far. Sara's desperate mission to save herself had taken her so far away. Too far away. Catherine was happy, but yet she still hurt. She didn't know exactly what to feel. The only thing she could comprehend was the knowledge of how much she needed Sara at that moment. She yearned for her love so desperately… and although realistically, Sara was thousands of miles away, she suddenly seemed close. Sara Sidle still existed, not just within Catherine's memories, and that thought lightened her heart. Her heart, that had once been impossible to repair, began to mend slowly. When Catherine spoke again, her voice was rough with emotion. The sound of the raw need in her tone tore at Sara's heart. "I need you, Sara."

Catherine could hear the hitch in Sara's breathing and at that moment she wished that she could feel that breath upon her skin. She wished she could feel that heat upon her lips.

"Catherine," Sara quietly breathed, and suddenly Catherine wasn't listening to her lover on the phone. The breath that passed through Sara's lips brushed tenderly through Catherine's golden locks, and with a gasp she turned and immediately met the wondrous sight of familiar brown eyes. Her fingers, now trembling, released the phone that had been tightly gripped in her hand. Catherine never registered the sound of it breaking upon the hard floor. With a hesitant hand, she reached out and softly rested her palm against Sara's chest. Her eyes closed tightly, releasing a waterfall of tears as she tried to convince herself that this moment was real. This wasn't some dream, or some cruel illusion. This was real. The rapid heartbeat that fluttered under her hand was real. Sara was real.

With a cry, Catherine fell forward into strong, loving arms. The sobs that were ripped from her throat tore at Sara's heart even more, and while releasing her own tears, she pulled Catherine closer.

"Why… what made you come back?" Catherine wondered as she buried her face within the crook of Sara's neck. Sara could only sigh contently as Catherine's lips softly caressed her skin. It was a feeling so foreign, yet so achingly familiar that she could only tug her closer, if it were possible. Clearing her mind, she tried to regain her composure. The cause of her return was a long story, one that she really didn't want to tell at that moment. At that moment all she wanted was to hold Catherine and love her. She yearned desperately to love her…

"Grissom found me," she softly replied as she planted a small kiss into Catherine's hair. "I just… he came for me and I guess it reminded me..." She couldn't form the words to properly explain her reasoning. The shock she felt upon seeing Grissom in that jungle had been quickly extinguished by the sudden intense feeling of longing to return to the one she really loved. Seeing him only reminded her of how much she loved Catherine. Maybe it didn't make sense, truthfully when she thought about it, it didn't make much sense at all. But it didn't matter now. Catherine didn't care why Sara was here. She just wanted to be with her, and Sara wanted the same.

Two broken souls finally reunited, and this time they were never going to let go. That same day both Catherine and Sara revived their connection with one another at home. Lindsey was gone, occupying her aunt's time, unaware that at that moment her hero had come home. Her family had returned.

Desperate hands clutched at clothing, pressed against bare skin, rediscovered elegant curves. Heartbeats increased simultaneously as feelings of love and pleasure veiled their senses. Catherine and Sara were unaware of the world around them. They lived in the moment only for each other. Tears mixed with tears. Sweat mixed with sweat. Lips met lips, and breath met breath. It was a meeting so sacred and so wonderful that no force would dare attempt to separate them. Sighs and sounds rhythmically swirled throughout the air like answered prayers and at that one moment, the pinnacle of their meeting, they released each other's names to the sky above.

There was no doubt whatsoever that these two special souls belonged together. It was a fate no one could defy and these two women knew that they would spend the rest of their lives loving each other and being loved in return. They were together, as they were meant to be.

The End.


End file.
